Caramel Mocha Cake

For the people I love and care about, birthdays are nearly always preceded with a wide-eyed me desperately and timidly asking "so, do you need a birthday cake?" I try to act like it's no big deal, but I'm really jumping up and down on the inside screaming "LET ME BAKE YOU SOMETHING."  But when one of my besties moved across the Midwest to the desolate, cold, altogether too damn far away land known as "Minneapolis," I hadn't yet formed this obsession with baking.  So I've never really gotten to bake for her!  Except her bridal shower.   And several parties I've thrown and she's attended.  And a few showers we threw together.  Hell, the last time I saw her she was forced into washing dishes for me as I filled heath cupcakes in a fit of baby-shower-themed-food insanity.

But she lives far away and she's never gotten a birthday cake from me, so her spring break visit was my opportunity!  I even spent an evening forming fondant flowers for the top of the cake.  Mainly because I don't think anyone has ever really made fondant decorations for her, and I felt she deserved something extra special.

So the week before she came and I set out for the grocery store on foot, husband/grocery bag carrier by my side.  I had absolutely no idea what I was going to make her, and pinterest is too slow on my phone (Thank you very much, Verizon.) So I had to go back to my roots- brainstorming things up all on my very own without the help of the world wide interwebs.  She and I had pretty much spent half of our friendship across the table from one another at a coffee shop, so I decided to go with a cappuccino themed cake.  With chocolate.  And caramel.  Caramel swirled with ganache. And butter cream- oh god- COFFEE butter cream. 

This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands.

Chocolate Coffee Cake

Recipe adapted from: http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/too-much-chocolate-cake/Detail.aspx

Ingredients

1 (18.25 ounce) package devil's food cake mix

1 (5.9 ounce) package instant devils food (or chocolate of any kind) pudding mix

1 (8 oz) container of Daisy sour cream (full fat)

1 cup vegetable oil

4 eggs

1/2 cup warm water

2 tsp coffee extract

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees  

Mix all of the ingredients together in a large bowl, or your trusty stand mixer. 
Pour batter into two nine inch rounds.

Bake as directed on your box mix.

When completely cool, you may wrap and freeze the layers until you are ready.

Coffee Butter Cream

Make a double recipe of my favorite butter cream but replace the vanilla with coffee extract. If you want to decorate the cake with a different color, make sure to set aside a cup of frosting before you add the coffee.

Caramel Mocha Cake Assemble

Ingredients 

2 nine inch rounds Chocolate Coffee Cake, ideally frozen, recipe above

Double Recipe Coffee Butter ream, recipe above

1 can dulce de leche (I used nestle)

1 recipe dark chocolate ganache, prepared fresh, recipe found here 

Directions

Split 9 inch rounds in half and place the three bottom layers on plates.

Make your ganache.

Pipe a large bead of butter cream around the diameter of these three layers.

Place 1/3 of the dulce de leche in the middle of each cake layer.  Carefully spread the caramel over the cake.  You may not cover the entire surface and that is ok.

Pour 1/3 of the hot ganache over each of the cakes, on top of the caramel.

Set the cakes in the fridge until the ganache is set. 

When the layers are ready, stack the cake and frost with the remaining butter cream (a double recipe is enough for a crumb coat, a final coat, and all accents.

Boston Cream Pie

So for my last entry, I told you all about how for my in-laws, I'm the official birthday cake maker.  I apparently neglected to mention that I also hold this title for my family.  And my friends.  Thus this entry, and the next one to come.

To celebrate my fathers birthday, we went out for Italian food and followed it up with this Boston cream pie.  I noted the changes I would make- I made a very traditional cake recipe, but it wasn't as moist as my usual "doctor up a box mix" method, so in lieu of being fancy, in the future I'll cut corners and end up with something more delicious.

The Cake
I used this recipe but I didn't think it was worth it.  I suggest you make a yellow cake using these directions, but prepare in two 9 inch rounds.

Pastry Cream
Recipe adapted from: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/pastry-cream-2/

Ingredients
2 cups whole milk
1/4 cup white sugar
2 egg yolks, room temperature
1 egg, room temperature
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/3 cup white sugar
2 tbsp butter
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt

Directions
If your eggs are not at room temperature, place in a warm water bath.

Place 2 tbsp of butter (chopped into pea sized pieces) in a small bowl with vanilla and salt.  Set aside.

Line a 9 inch round (or whatever size round you baked your cakes in) with saran wrap.  Cut yourself an extra piece to place on top when you are complete.  Set aside.

Whisk milk and 1/4 cup sugar in to a medium saucepan. Set aside.

When eggs are warm, put them in your food processor and process for a few moments.  Add your cornstarch and remaining sugar.  Process until combined.

Now that you have your station ready, place your milk mixture on your stove and heat until boiling over medium head.

Once boiling, turn on your food processor.  Slowly drizzle the boiling milk into the egg mixture, being careful not to scramble the eggs by pouring too fast. Once combined, return mixture to saucepan.

Heat over medium heat until it boils and thickens, whisking constantly. Once it reaches the proper thickness, add the butter mixture and whisk until combined. 

Pour your pastry cream into your prepared pan and top with saran wrap to avoid a film from forming.  Store in the fridge until firm, overnight if possible.

The Ganache and Assembly
First, unwrap your pastry cream exposing the top but leave it in the 9 inch round.  Place the bottom layer of your cake on top of the pastry cream, upside down.  Flip out onto your serving tray, and top with the final cake layer.

Prepare your ganache, use the following recipe: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/chocolate-ganache/Detail.aspx

Drizzle over your cake slowly, starting in the middle and working your way out in a circular pattern.  Let some of the ganache drip over the edge.  Stop when you reach the desired look- do not feel like you have to use all the ganache.

Baby Heath Cupcakes and a Baby Shower

So for some reason I'm still not entirely sure of, my friends and family keep allowing me to take charge of the menu for various baby showers, wedding showers, birthdays and similar events.  Well actually- I can tell you the reason: I'm willing and I have a stand mixer.  These are really the only two important prerequisites one needs in order validate plowing over everyone else's creativity when detailing what will and will not be a part of a buffet.

And for the baby shower I helped host this past weekend, the following was my rule of thumb:

Can the food item in question be given an adorable, baby themed name in order to ensure that not one person forgets they are eating food at a BABY shower and therefore everything must have the word BABY in the name?  No?  Then off the menu it goes to be replaced with some miniature, baby boy themed item that is obviously superior.

Yup, I'm that person that comes up with themed food for a shower.  I also print out food labels with pretentious descriptions, coordinate my serving platters, and elbow anyone who gets in my way in the kitchen.  Want to share the kitchen with me?  Better grab a sponge, because lord knows you're not touching my stand mixer or my new Tahitian vanilla I got for Christmas.  

On an related note: My most sincere apologies to my hostess friend who came over to help.  My kitchen would be a disaster without her.  But hey, I did let her core and fill the cupcakes- a high honor in my book.  

It's amazing I still have friends.  People will tolerate your overbearing attitude and strange affinity for all things ruffly and cutesy if you know your way around a mixing bowl.  This is why bakers are never lonely.  

But moving on- for the baby shower the mom's last name is Heath- so I just couldn't resist capitalizing on that for my first baby shower recipe:  Baby Heath Cupcakes!

Chocolate Cupcakes 

Recipe adapted from: http://paxye.com/blog/the-best-chocolate-cake-i-have-ever-made/
(A half recipe of what is listed below was enough for the buffet!)

If you are feeling too lazy to make the cake from scratch, I recommend the following recipe: http://cheatday.blogspot.com/2011/04/trio-of-oreo-cupcakes.html

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups granulated sugar

2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
3 large eggs
1 ½ cups buttermilk
1 cup strong brewed coffee, cooled
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp pure vanilla
4 oz unsweetened chocolate squares, melted and slightly cooled

Directions

Combine sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder and salt in a large bowl with a whisk. Set aside.

In your stand mixer or another large bowl, beat eggs for about 3 minutes using paddle attachment, until they have thickened slightly and are lemon-coloured. Add buttermilk, coffee, oil, vanilla and melted chocolate. Mix  until well blended.

Add dry ingredients 1/2 cup at a time to wet ingredients and mix until batter is smooth. Put an ice cream scoop full into muffin tins fitted with liners.  Bake at 350 until a cake tester comes out clean, about 17 minutes.  Cool completely before proceeding.

Butterscotch Filling 
For a half batch of cupcakes I still made all of the following and had tons extra

Ingredients

11 ounces of Butterscotch chips

8 ounces Heavy Whipping Cream

1 Cup of Butterscotch Butter Cream (below)

4 ounces (half bag) of Heath toffee pieces

Directions

Place the chips in your mixer fitted with the whisk attachment.  Heat your cream over medium heat in a small saucepan.  Once the cream just begins to boil, pour over the chips and let set for a few seconds.  Turn your mixer on low until combined.  This is your butterscotch sauce.

Next, make your butter cream (recipe follows).

Butterscotch Butter Cream 
(This is for a double recipe which is needed)

Recipe adapted from: http://www.wilton.com/recipe/Caramel-Buttercream-Icing

Ingredients

1 1/3 cup butter

16 ounce container of ice cream butterscotch topping 

2 tsp vanilla

2 lbs plus 1 cup (or 9 cups) powdered sugar 

4 tbsp milk (I used whole)

Directions

Cream shortening and butter with electric mixer. Add ice cream topping and vanilla. Gradually add sugar, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl often. When all sugar has been mixed in, icing will appear dry. Add milk and beat at medium speed until light and fluffy.


In a new bowl, combine about half of the butterscotch sauce into one cup of prepared butter cream.  Add your Heath pieces.  This is your final filling.  To fill your cupcakes, core with an apple corer once cooled and put a spoonful of filling inside.  Top with the original core if you desire.  Frost with the remaining butter cream.  Finish the cupcake with a drizzle of the remaining butterscotch sauce and sprinkle with remaining Heath pieces. 

Christmas Part III: Inside Out Pumpkin Bars

So Trader Joes is the best store on the face of the planet for buying non-baking related grocery items like produce and meat and meals and things like that.  (But who really does that anyway?  I'm pretty much a "pie for dinner" kind of gal.)

And Trader Joes has these amazing things called "Inside Out Carrot Cake Cookies" which are these two yummy little chewy carrot cookies filled with nuts and raisins with cream cheese frosting sandwiched between them.  My husband would kill for these cookies.  So when he asked for something "pumpkiny" for Christmas, I thought I would try to recreate these cookies but with pumpkin instead of carrot.  Hence the name "Inside Out Pumpkin Bars."  They are just delicious pumpkin cookie sandwiches with cream cheese filling.  Pretty simple- but a huge hit!

Inside Out Pumpkin Bars
Recipe Adapted from: http://www.howsweeteats.com/2011/10/chewier-pumpkin-chocolate-chip-cookies-2-ways/

Ingredients

1 2/3 cups of all-purpose flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 stick (1/2 cup) of butter, melted and cooled
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
1 large egg + 1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons real vanilla extract
1/4 cup pumpkin puree from a can
2 Cups White Chocolate Chips

1 batch of Cream Cheese Frosting

Directions

Mix the flour, salt, cornstarch, pumpkin pie spice and baking soda in a bowl and set aside. In another bowl, mix the melted butter and sugars until they are combined. Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla and stir until mixed. Stir in pumpkin puree until smooth. Gradually add flour mixture and mix until a dough forms – it will look crumbly at first, but it will come together. Fold white chocolate chips.

Refrigerate dough for 30 minutes, then roll into golfball-sized balls. Bake for 8-11 minutes, then let cool completely. (Mine took the entire 11 minutes) If you keep these in the fridge for even longer, you may get a more cakier cookie.

When the cookies are cooled, fill two cookies with cream cheese frosting and let the frosting set in the fridge. 

Caramel Chocolate Cake (a.k.a. Milky Way Cake)

So I'm really bad at remembering things.  Like birthdays.... especially birthdays.  Thank god for Outlook.

Several months ago I was talking with my husbands awesome Aunt, and she mentioned how much her daughter would LOVE a birthday cake made by me.  Of course I said yes.... and then promptly forgot about this conversation until Monday.

So Monday rolls along, and I'm reviewing my work week, and after getting awfully excited when I see that I’m taking part of the day off on Friday (To go to my very first triathlon!)  I see that darned little birthday reminder on Wednesday.  And then I realize I totally forgot about her cake.

Bad wife!  I fail my husbands family!

So I immediately email her, and let her know that despite me not bringing it up for the last several months, I can so totally still do this.  So now I'm left to make a cake by Wednesday.  Leaving me only Tuesday and Monday to bake it.  Good thing I'm busy Tuesday.

Monday it is!

And since I'm an idiot, I decide I'm still going to do that bike ride I had planned.  I was going to bike to the pool to meet a friend and bike back.  Sounds innocent enough, no?  Husband even offered to whip up the 8 inch rounds so they'd be cool by the time I got home.  He rocks!

So I'm biking along merrily, and I see the giant hill of death and hatred and doom and despair that leads to the pool.  Stupid freaking hill.  I hate you.  So I think to myself "gee, I've never used the lowest gear on my bike before!  I bet THAT'S my problem!  This hill is going to be SUPER EASY and I'm going to be so excited to try out that new gear!  Yay ideas!  Smart me!"

I switch to this low gear mid way up the hill, immediately drop the chain on my bike, and swerve to the side of the road.  Fantastic.

Still being optimistic, (which I had to hold on to at this point given the fact I was alone without a cell phone... Cause, you know, that's how I roll) I decide that I CAN FIX THIS.  I automatically picture myself heroically flipping my bike over, diagnosing the problem, untangling and resetting my gears all by myself, with my husband and friend none the wiser.

Cut to me, in a swimsuit and shorts, covered up to her elbows in bike grease, panicking and sweating by the side of the road.

Fail.

So nice man in a pretty car sees this, undoubtedly laughs to himself and pulls over.  He flips my bike over and starts explaining what's going on with it (using all the wicked awesome bike terminology.  I think he used the word "sprocket" but I can't be sure.) And he said I'll need to take my bike apart to fix this.

I didn’t have to take it apart to BREAK it, so why should I have to do that to FIX it.  Hmph.

So nice man let's greasy, disheveled girl use his fancy cell phone to call husband.  Who is of course 30 minutes away from being able to get me.  I tell him where I am and quickly give the man his phone back.  I proceed to wait... and braid grass... until my husband gets there.

Oh no- friend.  Friend is at pool waiting for me.  She is going to think I died.  Crap.

So finally husband comes to get me, fixes the bike in about 10 seconds because he's Superman, and takes me to the pool.  Just as friend is running out of the pool in a frenzy, assuming I've been hit by a car or I booked it to Mexico to avoid actually competing in the tri this weekend.  I felt awful.

So this is why I got home late and the cake was haphazardly assembled and kind of ugly.  Happy Birthday!  I'm sorry about your cake.

Caramel Chocolate Cake

First, make two 8 inch chocolate round cakes and cool them.  Since I've done that about nine billion times on this blog already, we can just leave well enough alone.

Ok- caramel buttercream time.  I was super worried about this.  One- because I've never made it and I was sending this cake along to my family and it could taste icky and Two- I had no clue how difficult it was going to be to frost with a icing that has caramel added.  If you haven't heard, caramel makes things sticky and tacky.  And while this buttercream was slightly more tacky than normal, it was perfectly spreadable and happy.

So whip it up (recipe follows) and stack your cake (on a cardboard round that fits the bottom of the cake if you can.)  Don't worry, you'll add another layer.  Sticky frosting plus chocolate crumbs = crumb coat necessary.  Let it set in your fridge for about 20 min.... or like, 4 if you are in a rush. 

Add another layer and smooth it out.  Yum...

Now it's time for your ganache.  I made my go-to-ganache recipe BUT I did it with cheapo store brand semisweet chocolate chips.  Don't do that.  It turned out lumpy and unhappy.  Use nice chocolate- it makes a difference.

So this worked out great- if your cake is on a round that is fitted to the bottom of it, like mine, you can put it on top of bowl or some cups or something.  Then, when you drip the ganache on it, it will fall off instead of puddling up looking all icky at the bottom.  

See how awesome this is!

Then, transfer your cake to where ever it will end up (for me, a cake carrier.)  And decorate it up!  

Mine ended up like this:

A little rushed- but it'll do!

I didn't try this (sad) but I heard resounding positive reviews on the recipe!  I'd say it's a do again recipe!

The Chocolate Cake

Recipe adapted from: http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/too-much-chocolate-cake/Detail.aspx

Ingredients

1 (18.25 ounce) package devil's food cake mix

1 (5.9 ounce) package instant devils food (or chocolate of any kind) pudding mix

1 (8 oz) container of Daisy sour cream (full fat)

1 cup vegetable oil

4 eggs

1/2 cup warm water

2 tsp vanilla

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees  

Mix all of the ingredients together in a large bowl, or your trusty stand mixer.
Pour batter into two greased 8 inch rounds 

Bake as directed on your box mix.

Caramel Buttercream (This is for a double recipe which is enough to stack, frost, decorate and eat a lot of frosting.)

Recipe adapted from: http://www.wilton.com/recipe/Caramel-Buttercream-Icing

Ingredients

1 1/3 cup butter

16 ounce container of ice cream caramel topping 

2 tsp vanilla

2 lbs plus 1 cup (or 9 cups) powdered sugar 

4 tbsp milk (I used whole)

Directions

Cream shortening and butter with electric mixer. Add ice cream topping and vanilla. Gradually add sugar, one cup at a time, beating well on medium speed. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl often. When all sugar has been mixed in, icing will appear dry. Add milk and beat at medium speed until light and fluffy.

2/3 

Flourless Chocolate Cupcakes

So Happy (belated) Fourth of July!  So like pretty much every other holiday or special event that crosses my path, I somehow managed to make this about food.  Fireworks schmireworks- the only thing I care about blowing up are the seams to my patriotic red, white and blue bikini.


Ok, I didn't actually buy one of those bikinis- but I saw them at Walmart today and I was seriously tempted.  What says "I love my country" like cutting up a flag and covering up your naughty bits with it.  Yay America!


Nor do I really want to gain enough weight to blow the seams out of my clothing. 


Moving on.  My family for some reason decided to rent a pontoon boat to celebrate. This is actually pretty laughable.  With the key exception of my husband, the only one of us who actually know hows to drive a boat, we aren't so much "sit on a boat eating hotdogs and drinking beer" kind of people.  We are more "sit in the air conditioning eating scones and drinking mimosas" kind of people.  Regardless- we have a boat, and I need to make boat food.


Problem: I want to make flourless chocolate cake.  1.  It's delicious, 2. I had it when I went out to eat for my anniversary and now I can't get it out of my mind 3. It doesn't have flour- so it's already half way to being Atkins friendly for my sister (I'll tell you more about my sugar free attempt below.)

...But flourless chocolate cake isn't boat foot.


Solution: Make it into cupcakes!

Flourless Chocolate Cake 
This recipe is so simple- one of the main reasons it's so freaking fabulous.  It sounds all fancy, but it was really quick to whip up!

After preheating your oven to 375, start off by cutting up two sticks of butter.  Place that in your double boiler with 10.5 ounces of bittersweet chocolate.  Stir until melted, and take off the heat.









Butter and chocolate.  So far so good!

Next, cream your sugar with your eggs and egg yolks.  Slowly pour in about 1/4 of your mixture, as well as the rest of the ingredients, and fold it into the eggs.  Add in the rest of the choco-butter mix and fold in until combined. 

Pour into 12 muffin tins and bake.  Voila!

Daw- aren't the flowerdy cupcake wrappers adorable!  One of many cake related anniversary gifts from my hubbers.  He knows me so well.

You can do all sorts of filling and frosting with these babies.  I did caramel and pecan topping, strawberry filling, ganache and whipped cream frosting.  All sorts of fun stuff!

Verdict?  These were pretty great!  Honestly, I feel like flourless chocolate cake loses something in cupcake form.  I would have much rather had a small slice with the raspberry drizzled over, but that's just me.  This is very a dense, very rich, almost brownie like cupcake.  Love it!

Ok- so, remember how I said one of the reasons why I wanted to make these is because I have a sister doing Atkins?  Yeah, I thought to myself- well, it's already half way there- no flour!  Just get rid of the sugar and this will be a fabulous Atkins friendly treat.

Um, I'm going to do with a no on that one.  Picture dense, dry, black, shriveled cakes literally floating in all the butter that oozed out of them during the baking process.  Apparently the sugar in this recipe did a whole lot more than sweeten the cakes- it is a structural component, not to be replaced with splenda.  It was awful.  I guess today baking really is a science...

So what was my solution to this?  Make Atkins friendly truffles using my ganache recipe!  Woot!

(Make the ganache recipe below, chill until hard, scoop into balls, and roll in cocoa)

Flourless Chocolate Cake
Recipe From: http://penniesonaplatter.com/2009/02/12/ultimate-flourless-chocolate-cupcakes/

Ingredients
10 1/2 oz bittersweet chocolate chips
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
4 eggs
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
2 tbsp. Dutch-process cocoa powder (Or whatever you have on hand- I used dark cocoa powder)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions
Preheat the oven to 375 and line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners.

Put the chocolate and butter in a double boiler and stir until completely melted. Set aside to cool.

In large bowl, cream the eggs and sugar with an electric mixer. Gently fold in 1/4 of the melted chocolate and remaining ingredients.  Add the reamining chocolate and butter and blend.

Spoon the batter into the cups. Bake for 20 minutes. 

Dark Chocolate Ganache Filling (Top with Whipped Cream frosting, below)
Taken exactly from: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/chocolate-ganache/Detail.aspx

I did not change this recipe, so you can follow the instructions here.  I do not add the optional rum. For these, I let this filling cool for about 45 min and then spooned it into the cored cupcakes. 

Raspberry Filling (Top with Whipped Cream frosting, below)
Taken exactly from: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/raspberry-sauce-recipe/index.html

Whipped Cream Frosting
Taken exactly from: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/whipped-cream-frosting-2/detail.aspx

I did not change this recipe, so you can follow the instructions here.

Turtle Topping
Top cupcakes with chopped pecans and caramel (I used the same recipe that I did for the shortbread bars.)

Boston Cream Cupcakes

So I think I am going to rename this blog, "Caketastrophe."  I've realized that I spend far more of my time describing what NOT to do instead of providing helpful, thought out, tried and true methods provided by an experienced baketress.  


But instead of this experienced baketress you get me- the woman who just spent 30 minutes cleaning red food coloring off of her tile floor.  Little tip- when adding red dye to whole grain strawberry muffins, don't accidentally spill a drop of coloring on the floor and then step in it and then walk everywhere.  

Little red smears and blotches everywhere...  It looked like a freaking lilliputian crime scene in my kitchen. 

Alright, so on to the little life lessons I learned from the cupcakes I made for this weekend.  First and foremost- don't promise to make a complicated recipe if you havne't in fact, planned out when you are going to make said recipe.  I offered to make my dad some Father's Day cupcakes, and promised that Boston Cream Pie cupcakes would be no problem at all!

1.  I've never make Boston cream pie.
2.  Excluding ganache, I've never made any of the components of Boston cream pie.
3.  I didn't even really have a full understand of what goes into Boston cream pie.  (What, "yellow cake, puddin' and chocolate" isn't a valid description?)

So I did a little research, and started plotting out my pound cake and pastry cream recipes.  Ganache- totally got that covered.  I also decided I'd add some whipped cream frosting garnish.  What didn't I plan?  When to freaking make these little buggers.  Long story short, I had one day to make these guys, and I wasn't going to get home from work that day until around 7:00 pm.

Well, let me tell you how well THAT went...

Pastry Cream Calamity
So I'm not what one would call a custard aficionado.  In fact, the closet I've ever come to making a custard is lemon curd.  And those aren't close at all. 

So here's how this went down:
- Go to grocery store over lunch to quickly grab all the ingredients for everything
- Run home and throw my milk on the stove for a double batch of pastry cream.

That was my first error.  Ok- in NO WAY did the recipe require a double batch of cream (even though I was making a double batch of cupcakes.)  Lesson learned: One batch = OK

- Start heating 7 flipping cups of milk
- Realize milk will never boil fast enough for me to get back to work on time
- Split milk into two pans
- Put eggs, salt and sugar in food processor
- Realize all the milk will not fix in food processor either
- Split egg mixture into two batches
- Pour one pan of milk into the eggs and sugar
- Overflow
- Pour second pan of milk into new batch of eggs and sugar
- Overflow again
- Yell a lot
- Return both batches (with the added cornstarch and flour) to one big pot and stir like crazy over the stove
- Cry
- Look at the horrible mess that is your kitchen
- Try to tidy
- Don't mix it enough leading to slightly grainy consistency
- Boiling commences
- Too much boiling
- Splatter ultra hot custard on arm
- Swear
- Finish boiling custard
- Pour in bowl and cover with saran wrap, put custard in fridge

I don't suggest you follow my route unless you want to start tearing your hair out.  With my luck, that hair would have ended up in the damn custard. 

Freaking custard.  I hate you.

But you're delicious.  So I'll forgive you.  Only a little though- because I didn't stir enough and the consistency was off.  A good whip in the stand mixer fixed all this!  I wouldn't suggest doing this normally- as that will thin it out a little, but since this is going inside cupcakes and not supporting a cake, all is fine.

Pound Cake Debacle
Well, as you may or may not know, I'm a firm believer that boxed cake mixes are amazing and can accomplish almost anything.  So after a little research, I tried a new recipe that is much denser than the typical white cake I make (which calls for whites, not whole eggs.) 

A resounding HECK YES on this recipe.  Delicious!

Does that mean I didn't screw up this portion of the recipe?  That's a solid HECK NO on that one.

It's 7:10 pm and I'm returning to the house to spend the evening whipping up some deliciousness.  I've got two batches of custard in the fridge.  I've got two sets of all the ingredients I use to doctor up my boxed mix.  I've got one box mix.

Damn it.

So after my impromptu Dahls run, I make two batches of pound cake cupcakes.  I then proceed to stick all four pans in the oven at the same time, because I'm impatient and frazzled and stupid. 

I ended up with about 75% of the cupcakes being golden and delicious, and about 25% charbroiled and sad.

 But thankfully, the golden delicious ones turned out to be hubby's new favorite cake recipe- so my little pound caketastrophe ended up having a silver lining.

Assembly Mayhem
So when the cupcakes are cooled, it's time to start filling them.  Of all the compenents of the recipe, this was the part I was most concerned about.  Should I inject the filling or core them?  If I inject them, will I get enough of the filling in?  If I core them, how can I top them with ganache without causing a horrible mess?

I landed on coring them, filling them with custard, and putting just the top of the cupcake back on to cover the custard.  I thought after everything that had happened, this was probably going to end up a disaster.  And ironically, this was the step that went swimmingly.

How perfect do these look?  

Next, once they were all filled, I made some ganche and immediately started spooning it over each of the cakes.

This also went surprisingly well.  I just went slow and steady and made sure not to let any drip over the sides. 

So at this point, it was about 9:30 or 10:00, my husband was back from his boys night out and was aghast at the horrible mess that was in his kitchen.  And then he saw all the dishes and gave his mess of a wife a big hug and offered help.  What a saint.

But despite all this- these little cakelettes needed some extra oomph, so I quickly got my google on and found a good whipped cream frosting recipe.  Apparently the one I had saved in my future recipe arsenal called for reduced fat cream cheese- so I immediately distrusted the recipe and anyone who would make it.  I located a recipe that called for full fat everything and went on my merry way whipping it up. Quite literally.

So after only spilling one ingredient all over the floor (the salt!) I filled up my pastry bag and ended up with something that looks like this...

Alright- after all this, you cupcakes better be the best damned best cupcakes I've ever eaten.

You got lucky.

These are SO good.  SO FLIPPIN BANANAS good.  The custard, after fixing the consistency, was rich and creamy.  It paired perfectly with the slightly lighter than typical pound cake.  The ganache, as always, was intense and fabulous and the frosting cut that intensity with a final touch of sweetness.  While I might have felt like a failure countless times while making this, the final product was totally winning.

Recipes, baby!

Pound Cake Cupcakes
Recipe from: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/grandmothers-pound-cake-i/detail.aspx

Ingredients
1 package yellow cake mix (I used "Moist Deluxe")
1 (3.5 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup warm water
4 eggs
1 teaspoon butter flavored extract
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract


Directions
Preheat oven to 350.  Mix all ingredients and pour into lined cupcake tins.  Bake according to box.


Pastry Cream Filling
Recipe from: http://www.boston-discovery-guide.com/boston-cream-pie-recipe.html

Make a half recipe of the cream detailed here.


Dark Chocolate Ganache 
Taken exactly from: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/chocolate-ganache/Detail.aspx


I did not change this recipe, so you can follow the instructions here.  I do not add the optional rum. 


Whipped Cream Frosting
Taken exactly from: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/whipped-cream-frosting-2/detail.aspx


I did not change this recipe, so you can follow the instructions here.